


Come And Be My Pride

by Lokesenna



Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blow Jobs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-08 00:15:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokesenna/pseuds/Lokesenna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom and Loki have always been adventurous in bed, but now one of them is worried the other's fantasies reflect internalized homophobia... continuing to indulge his partner may do more harm than good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come And Be My Pride

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** Deal with internalized homophobia in a realistic but positive way.  
>  **Challenge:** No first time/ 'you changed my world, I never experienced this'. 
> 
> _Thanks to **Batsutousai** for helping out with that dilemma I had :3_

    “I promise you you’ll like it,” Tom says in his best sultry tone, the scent of wine thick on his breath, lips red and teal eyes smoky and blown. This is it, their game, a few glasses of wine and they fall almost naturally into it. Time and time again.

   “How dare you! Cease this at once, mortal.” Loki grips Tom’s wrist and moves it away from his crotch. “I told you, I do _not_ get off on such degrading acts… I do not sanction sodomy!”

   “That hard-on I just found tells me otherwise. C’mon, Loki. Just…”

   There is a brief wrestling match that ends in the inevitable fashion, with Tom facedown on the sofa and Loki’s erection pressing against the seam of his jeans. Loki’s breath is cool on Tom’s neck and the back of his ear, but his voice is _frosty_. “Lay your hands on me again and I will degrade you in more ways than you would care to experience! I am not interested!”

   Tom wriggled his butt as much as Loki’s weight will allow, eyes half-lidded in his drunken haze. “You can say it as many times as you want, but I would rather listen to your cock, darling~.” He holds his breath, waiting for the raven haired god’s response, his own cock pushing down into the couch cushion hopefully.

   The actor’s living room clock ticks.

   Finally, Loki shifts and speaks, a curse so entirely Midgardian it makes Tom smile. “Fuck. You.”

   “Not without a condom. And anyway, I thought we’d work up to that.” Tom distinctly feels the twitch of interest against his butt.

   “Damn it, Thomas.” Loki pushes up and away, struggling to his feet.

   Tom flips over. Loki has his back turned and is running a hand through his raven hair, making it stand on end. Tom smiles to himself and starts to unbutton his shirt, the alcohol making him more loose than he had ever been. If sober Tom was watching, he would tremble in fear and tell ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s playing with. “You have no idea what I can do with my tongue… they may call _you_ silvertongue… but just you wait.”

   Loki shudders.

   “I’ll make you feel so good, better than you’ve felt in ye-- no, in _centuries_.” Tom sits up and swings his legs over the side of the couch. He shimmies his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. “I’ll make you come so hard, with my mouth and my tongue.” He drops his voice a register “I’ll give you the best blow job you’ve ever had in your entire fucking life.”

   Loki turns around. His pale face is red and he is fumbling with the button at his waistband.

   “Loooki,” Tom croons, reaching out and cupping one hand around Loki’s hip. “Yessss.”

   “N-nhh, c-cease your talking! Shut up. Just… do it and hold your Gods damned tongue.” Loki’s voice is shaking, and Tom knows it isn’t with anger, feigned or otherwise.

   Neither of them speak again for a long time. Tom has his mouth full and Loki, standing between his open legs, no doubt has his hands full just trying not to whimper. The whole ‘uninterested totally straight god here’ delusion/illusion would collapse like a house of cards at the slightest hint of a whimper.

   Tom amuses himself for a minute or so with that thought, because the image of a collapsing Loki of Asgard flailing and fluttering to the ground is an enticing one. And Tom has little doubt of his ability to make it happen, but the methods he’d need to use wouldn’t necessarily go over well with a skittish first-timer who’d never been properly introduced to his prostate, poor baby.

   A chuckle escapes him before he can stop it, his mouth vibrating against Loki’s firm slick flesh.

   Loki tenses, and one of the hands that had been passively but tightly gripping Tom’s curls drops to his shoulder and the fingers dig in hard. “Uunnnh~.”

   Well, it isn’t a whimper. Still, Tom is smiling as he pulls back a bit to swirl his tongue around the head of Loki’s cock.

   “Suck. S-suck it, curse you, Thomas!” Loki’s voice is low and commanding, but breathless, and the once-passive hand is pressing now, urging Tom forward.

   Tom doesn’t need to be urged, doesn’t really require the feedback, not with Loki’s cock giving little urgent jumps against the roof of his mouth, not with the bitter-salt tang of Loki’s pre-cum exploding on his tongue and making his own cock twice as hard as it has been. He can tell just how close Loki is and he knows just what he needs to do to make it oh-so-good and come-back-again-soon and fuck-you’re-amazing and maybe Norns-Norns-Norns. He swallows Loki to the root and keeps swallowing, rubbing behind his balls with his knuckles, making filthy, wet, encouraging noises.

   “Nnh, Gods,” Loki whispers.

   Tom draws back to breathe and goes back down.

   “Damn. Oh-nnnh. Gods damn you.”

_Yes, Loki. Come for me, Loki._

   “This d-does not… nnh… change anything.” Loki’s voice is tight. His hands are tighter, crushing Tom’s skull. “Nothing, y-you damn--…” He breaks off, gasping.

   And there it is, god dammit. Even when Loki  _doesn’t_  say it, he said it. God. Dammit. Why has it taken him this long to see it?

   Distracted, Tom narrowly avoids choking when Loki shoots down his throat. He swallows more in self-defense than anything and waits for the second spurt. Once that is down, he pulls off Loki hastily, replacing his mouth with his hand, and clears his throat several times. He removes his hand when Loki steps to the side after a few seconds.

   Loki pats Tom’s curls roughly and turns on his heel to flop down on the couch beside him. “Mmmf.” He puts an arm around Tom’s shoulders and pulls him down to rest next to him against the back cushions. “Mmm,” he said again, and turned his head to nuzzle Tom’s ear. _Thank you_ , Tom translates the gesture.

   The blond exhales through his nose.

   “Mmm?” Loki shifts to get more comfortable. “Give me a moment. You wiped me out.” He drops one hand into Tom’s lap and moves it around idly.

   “No, stop that.”

   “Why?” Loki moves his hand experimentally. “Did you already come? You are not very hard.”

   “ _Stop_ it,” Tom says again, louder, the wine clearing from his mind – or perhaps that is what he wants to believe.

   Loki’s hand was gone in a flash. “Is…?” He sits up straighter, dark brows furrowed and emerald eyes flicking up at him, confused. “What is the matter?”

   Tom looks at the ceiling. “‘ _Poof_.’”

   He hears Loki swallow and inhale. “I did not say that.”

   “Poof. Fruitcake. Faggot. It’s all the same.”

   “You do not like it,” Loki insists, “I would never say it.”

   “You almost said it.”

   “Did not.”

   “I heard it.”

   “You told me not to call you offending terms and I gave you my word. I did not  _say_  it.”

   “You were thinking it.”

   “ _Norns_ , Thomas!” Loki’s arm leaves Tom’s shoulder. “Are you not taking this a little too far? Or are you planning to censor my mind twenty-four hours a day now? You Midgardians are entirely too sensitive! It is only words, and I have _not_ used them again since you told me how offensive they were.”

   “I’m worried.”

   Loki falls silent. 

   Tom turns his head to look at him, gnawing on his lower lip. “Don’t you want to know what I’m worried about?”

   “No.” Loki sighs. “Because I am certain you are about to tell me anyway. I merely dislike your current anger towards me.”

   Tom twists sideways and takes Loki’s hand. “Can I?”

   “Very well… go ahead,” Loki answers, glancing down at their hands and then eyeing him warily.

   “This fantasy of yours is worrying me… these words that you’re not saying - thank you and I appreciate it - but it’s there all the same… it worries me.”

   “We have played this scene out before, Thomas. Straight god gets seduced. It has never seemed to bother you. Except that second time, and I did take what you said to heart even though it was never directed at you,  _per se_. Those terms.” Loki’s lip twitch.

   “It’s not being called a Poof or whatever that I objected to, Loki. It was the obvious connotation you were putting on the word that I found distinctly unpleasant.”

   “And like I explained, it was not aimed at  _you_ , but I agreed not to use it again.”

   “But I don’t have any issues with being called a poof, Loki. Or gay,” Tom waves his free hand. “It’s the whole ‘you’re gay and therefore disgusting and horrible’ connotation that’s bothering me.”

   Loki lets go of him and raises both his index fingers. “Okay, well, now  _I am_  the one who is having a problem with the word, because I would never think of you as one.”

   “So it would bother you if I referred to myself as a poof? Gay?”

   “Yes!”

   “Because poofs are disgusting.”

   “Because the  _words_ … no, do not throw a Midgardian linguistics lesson in my face!” Only one finger this time. “The slang expression has a negative connotation.”

   “Depends how it’s being used, and by whom, Lo. There was no negative connotation intended when I said it just now. It can actually be a term of affection under certain circumstances.”

   Loki glares at him. “Can we quit playing with semantics? Obviously we do not always hear the same things.”

   “That’s because connotations are subjective.”

   “I get that, you imbecile.”

   “For example, you wouldn’t ever be comfortable calling yourself gay.”

   “Because I am not!”

   “And you  _cling_  to that.”

   Loki gapes at him. “What in the realms are you trying to say now? I am  _not_  straight?”

   “We’ve both been with women… am I less straight than you are?”

   “What? No. That does not even make sense.”

   “But you tend to think of me as gay, darling. Am I right?”

   Loki’s mouth opens and closes again.

   “It’s okay, you don’t have to answer. It doesn’t really matter right now. I just think it’s interesting, how we’re approaching this thing of ours differently.”

   “Thomas, I have to tell you. I am… losing track of this conversation.”

   Tom snorts and takes hold of Loki’s hand again. “Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking and what’s worrying me. All your life you self-identified as straight. That’s fine; me, too. You, however, could never bear to think of yourself as a gay man. Bi, maybe… because bi is as close to straight as you can get, and straight is what  _you_  think you should be. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m reading too much into this. Your favourite fantasy is that you’re straight and being seduced by a gay man… within that fantasy, you curse and deny and stop just short of name-calling, and then only because I asked you to.” Tom looks at the rigid expression on Loki’s face and starts talking faster. “You’re not just playing a straight man; you’re playing a homophobe who just can’t help himself when the wicked poof starts talking about all the nasty things he can do with his tongue. I know, I know, you’ve had to spend your whole life hiding who you are, this part of you…” Loki’s nails are digging into Tom’s hand. “Ouwww.”

   Loki starts. He tries to pull his hand away but Tom hangs on.

   “Loki, I basically stopped considering myself a… a  _practicing_  bisexual when I committed to you… and that takes being straight well out of the picture.”

   “I do not-,” Loki says hoarsely.

   “But darling… how well can that work if all the time you’re wishing you were somebody else?” Tom squeezes Loki’s hand and feels his own face scrunch up. “Somebody more straight?”

   “I do not want… Thomas, I _want_ to be with you.” Loki looks pale, but stubborn.

   Tom waits… and waits. “ _But_?” he prompts, feeling a little queasy.

   “I admit that life would be easier…” Loki licks his lips and looks away. “I have always…”

   Tom nods, his lips pressed together tightly. “Life as a Prince. Life amongst warriors. Life as a god.”

   “Do not forget the fact that ‘love is not true love unless it produces offspring’.” Grimacing, Loki raises a foot and forcefully shoves the coffee table away. “I had it all once with Sigyn… or close to it. It was enough.” He looks at Tom with anguished eyes. “I could fight the rest, be what I am _supposed_  to be.”

   Tom nods and strokes Loki’s hand.

   “Before Sigyn, since Sigyn… being bisexual meant that I could  _have_  that. Potentially. Be that person. There was always a chance. I did not  _have_  to….”

   “Be gay,” Tom murmurs.

   Loki’s lips curl in a snarl. “Yes! Damn.”

   “Damn,” Tom agrees quietly.

   Loki turns to him, frowning. “No. Thomas. It is… listen.”

   “Okay.” Tom licks his lips.

   “You know I have been with other men. All gods, mind you. Cared for some. Hel, even truly liked one or two while it lasted, but… yes… I always thought about how much easier my life would be if I did not. I wanted…”

   “To be ‘normal’. To fit Asgardian society’s perception of what normal should be. Midgard is not all that different.”

   Loki shakes their joined hands. “But you. Norns. The moment I met you.”

   Tom just looks at him.

   “No, not love at first sight. The hair, Thomas. Not with that hair.” Hair so similar to his own. Not then.

   “Eheh, I didn’t think so.”

   “But, damn. The way you stood. The way you moved. Your _eyes_. That big brain of yours. Your eloquence so unlike that of the rest of your realm. What I am trying to say is… you are the entire package for me. The instant attraction, the man I got to know, the best friend, the person I fell in love with. Thomas.” Loki shakes their hands again. “ _Tom_.”

   “W-what? You just said…”

   “Tom, yes. You are the first, the first man…” Tears start to Loki’s eyes and he blinks them back. “You are the only man I have not thought, ‘I will throw him over in a heartbeat when the right goddess comes along.’”

   “L-Loki.” Tom couldn’t get enough air into his lungs.

   “Yes.” Loki lowers his gaze, brows drawing up and together. “So perhaps… mayhaps I am a little bit gay… for _you_.”

   “Oh.” Tom takes Loki into his arms and rocks him. “Loki. Don’t. I didn’t mean…”

   “I do not want anyone else. I do not want to  _be_  somebody else anymore, either. Merely… better. You make me want…”

   “Shhh.”

   Loki’s strangled laugh is muffled against Tom’s neck. “You made me.”

   “It breaks my heart. And… I’m not looking forward to the way you will sulk afterwards, eheh.”

   “Muggle.”

   Tom cradles the back of Loki’s head tenderly, eyes crinkling at the book reference. He was settling in so nicely here. “Do you think we could let this fantasy go?”

   “I think it already went, several minutes ago.” Loki sounds somewhere between embarrassed and regretful. 

   “Maybe we can find something a little more – don’t hate me – ‘affirming’.”

   Loki sighs. “Well, I said I wanted to be a better person.” He raises his head and meets Tom’s gaze. “It was an old, bad habit, Thomas. I do not want you worrying.”

   Tom winces. “I respect that you’re in a better place than you used to be, but I think we’re going to need to talk about this some more.”

   One corner of Loki’s mouth pulls in. “Yes. I knew that. Not now.”

   “Later,” Tom agrees willingly.

   “Because… _right now_ I seem to recall we have some unfinished business. Mayhaps we should take care of that?”

   “Mmm? Oh! Well, you know I’m always open to suggestions.”

   “Mine.” Loki’s hands roam down Tom’s back and squeeze his rear. Tom smiles. Only the happiest of connotations there. “I am certain I will come up with a new fantasy eventually. Something… healthy and uplifting.”

   Tom snorts at the look on Loki’s face.

   “Meanwhile,” the raven haired god strokes Tom’s jaw, “there is always the King and his most faithful advisor, right?”

   Tom’s unsatisfied cock twitches. “Ooh. Nh, right!” 

   “For I really must speak to him about an… uprising… that has me worried. How ever will we go about this one…? It is so… tricky…”

   “Nnnh, certainly, oh mighty King Loki.” Tom runs his thumb along Loki’s lower lip. “Make certain to tell me every… last… detail.”


End file.
